How to Talk to Your Parents About Moving: Starting the Next Chapter

The slippery sidewalk that’s just waiting for someone to fall on. The stairs that have become harder to climb. The high shelves make reaching everyday items restrictive.

There are so many aspects of a home that most of us take for granted.

As the number of people aged 55+ continues to climb and we start to see the oncoming Wave of Wisdom, more aging adults will need to relocate to safer, more accessible homes.

According to the AARP’s findings, around 44% of older adults feel like a move is inevitable within the next few years.

Of course, it’s not just seniors impacted by these shifts. Their children will need to help them navigate these immense shifts – something few people feel “ready” for.

Unfortunately, this means that Gen X will need to gear up for some potentially uncomfortable situations. Telling a parent you’re concerned isn’t easy, but telling a parent you think they need to move? If you’re not careful, it could easily become a recipe for disaster.

Here are a few tips on how to talk to your parents about moving to make the discussion easier, calmer, and more productive.

Plan What You’d Like to Say

Think back to a moment when you were feeling particularly stressed. You probably felt defensive and overwhelmed. Or, maybe, you just wanted to ignore the problem entirely and hope it solved itself.

The notion of moving is already stressful enough, with one poll finding that 64% of people consider moving more stressful than divorce, or even having a baby.

Let’s face it: tough conversations aren’t fun and can surface some pretty harsh feelings if they’re not handled with the right perspective.

You can’t account for everything, but a little preparation can make a ton of difference.

Plan out what you’d like to say, and how you’d like to say it. A small, simple list of bullet points should be more than enough to help you plan out your thoughts.

You don’t need to come up with a script or anything; in fact, over-preparing can make you come across as cold, or worse, disrespectful. So aim to stick to your key points, but try to maintain a genuine, friendly tone.

If you’d like, you can even practice the conversation with a friend or loved one. Have them roleplay as your parents so you can prepare for their responses (more on that later) and hopefully mitigate conflict.

As you start working on your talking points, make sure to include some reassurance. The goal is to be empathetic and understanding. Hold space for your parents’ need for autonomy. A little grace will go a long way.

Don’t worry about the logistics just yet. Just think about how you can kindly and delicately express your worries about your parents’ safety.

Pick a Neutral Time and Place

The American Psychological Association points out that change can shake our core fundamentals, influencing five aspects of our lives:

• Belonging

• Safety

• Status

• Fairness

• Freedom

Since even the possibility of change is enough to make most of us nervous, we suggest putting some serious thought into where and when you express your concern to your parents.

While you won’t be able to avoid all friction, you can minimize stress by picking neutral spaces. Places like coffee shops, restaurants, or parks typically offer enough privacy that you can still have a discussion without worrying about being overheard.

On that same note, give a heads-up that you’d like to talk about your concerns. Being honest and open about your intentions shows that you’re coming from a place of good faith. When it comes to learning how to talk to your parents about moving, honesty is always the best policy.

Expect a Little Pushback or Surprise

So, you know what you want to say, and you’ve got the perfect place picked out to discuss next steps. At this point, what happens next is largely out of your hands.

While you can prepare what to say and focus on maintaining an empathetic, even tone, you certainly can’t expect to control your parents’ responses. However, you can steel yourself for a tough talk.

It’s best to go into difficult conversations like this with an expectation of possible pushback. And if you put yourself in your parents’ shoes…it makes sense. Imagine being so used to living your life one way, and then someone tells you that a change is necessary.

Your approach is everything when talking to your parents about a move. Again, it comes down to empathy. Listen to their response, just as you’d want them to listen to you. Remember that for them, this shift is monumental.

If things get a little tense, don’t hesitate to put a pin in things. Saying something like, “I can tell you’re feeling upset, and that’s not what I want. I love you and want what’s best for you. Maybe we revisit this in a few days when we’ve both had time to think?”

If you choose to split up the talk, be intentional and follow through. Give yourself a few days to reflect, but schedule the second half of the discussion sooner rather than later. Your parents won’t likely bring it up themselves.

How to Talk to Your Parents About Moving: Some Final Thoughts

Ultimately, planning and empathy are your two guiding lights when talking to your parents about moving. The more preparation you do – and the more of a heads-up you give your parents – the smoother the discussion should go.

Keep track of your own emotions, too. It can be hard to see your parents struggling.

Be kind, voice your concerns, and practice active listening.

If you’d like some additional help figuring out how to talk to your parents about moving, or if you’re ready to start planning your move, we’re here for you. 

We’ve helped dozens of families in the Denver and Boulder areas with moving, home organization, and decluttering. We’d love to help your family next, so get in touch today!